When you think you are “Never good enough”
The feeling that I am “never good enough” or “smart enough” at some skill or ability, ie: like making money, being “perfect” or something else I “should” be good at. For some women, this includes falling pregnant.
For teens, it could mean, doing well in school subjects or forming friendships.
The feeling that my body is not good enough — I am not thin enough, strong enough, tall enough or pretty enough, fit enough, co ordinated enough.
3. Character or Identity
The feeling that I am somehow the “wrong kind” of person ie: my gender, my race, my age or even my personality (too quiet, too pushy, too demanding, too needy).
The feeling that “I will be loved only if I am _____.” This “_____” could be based on my outward success (competence), my body appearance (body), my willingness to “change who I am” (identity) or something else – where I feel I will get love, ONLY IF I meet some other condition will I be worthy or good enough – just being my own self is not enough.
Why You Have It
From the ages of 0-7 we are at our most impressionable and it is the time we learn what fear, anger, sadness
and guilt are.
Having any combination of these four areas as identified above is usually the result of an inner emotional wound suffered in childhood – through no fault of your own. Did you hear that? Through no fault of your own!.
That self-critical inner voice = one’s parents and transmitted inadvertently or unconsciously and without malevolence. Sadly, once the seeds of these wounds are planted, they can lead to feelings of low self-esteem, anxiety, anger and disempowerment all throughout one’s life.
As you can imagine, it can lead to difficulties in one’s relationships – plutonic, romantic or professional and play havoc with your peace of mind and self-confidence.
Drug addiction can be the same thing. A mask covering layers of hurt and grief buried in pain, guilt, sadness, hurt, fear.
How to Heal It
The key to truly healing this wound is not to fight the harsh inner voice, or to forcibly numb it with alcohol, food, drugs or overachievement.
Noticing that although this forceful inner voice is actually an integral part of you, it is only an emotion linked to a memory – a part of your deep inner self, which has been cut off from you and rearing its ugly head to manifest in this “never good enough” feeling. This wounded pain isn’t trying to hurt you – it actually needs your help, it is a cry for help. This is the true meaning of the beginning of “recovery” or relaxing, refreshing and renewing. Becoming truly whole and healed again, authentic to self.
I use a powerful technique called Time Line Therapy to help release the emotional attachment we have to those memories that can keep you stuck in your own muck and mire of self pity and to help you accept the learning’s so we can let go of the anger, the sadness, the fear and the guilt quicker and more profoundly.
To “Learn More” or discover if you are ready to let go of the past and create a future full of possibility and self worth, contact me for a free 20m coaching call.